and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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