my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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