Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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