Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My room smells like vodka and shame
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
