You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
