I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
