Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
