You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
