Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
