New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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