Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
