Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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