she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
