God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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