Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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