Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
