mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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