I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
