I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Randomize
