WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize