I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
