Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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