and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
