Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
