Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize