plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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