The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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