Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize