So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
