My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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