I hate your face
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
