Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
