So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
