I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
