i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize