yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
