Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize