I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
