He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
