"it" just moved
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
