I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize