it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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