look no pants
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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