Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
