Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
