Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
