Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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