best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
