If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
