i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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