I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
