If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found your dick twin last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
