I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
True college students do jello shots in the library
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
