i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
