Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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