So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
