I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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