I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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