tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
