i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's never too late to be topless.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
