I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
