just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
