Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize