Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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