I think my vagina is haunted
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
