3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
