so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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