U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
