quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
