I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
