Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
