apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
