1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
