just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
