he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
