just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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