I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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