I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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