I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize