listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
