i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
