And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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