Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
