when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
