Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
