so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
