ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
