I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
