I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize