why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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