neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
