What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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