I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
