i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
