I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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