Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
