.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
