I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize