she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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