My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
