Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
