I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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