If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize