how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
