her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
