So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
