I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
