all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
