I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
